Why Losing an Ovary Doesn't Make Me (Or You) Less of a Woman
During my ultrasound two months ago to check the size and condition of the tumor on my kidney (for more information on that story see my other post), the technician also did a scan of my bladder. Apparently this is routine but it was news to me and I was unsure why this radiology tech was probing further south than I knew my kidneys or liver to be. The doctor flagged the ultrasound as "abnormal with suspected ovarian cysts" and ordered a follow up scan of my uterus and ovaries. The next ultrasound came back "inconclusive" due to the images being "unclear". Flashforward to 6 weeks later (yesterday) and I got another ultrasound done because the last two had gone so swimmingly.
My doctor called me in the afternoon and told me that I have several cysts, one specifically that needs to be surgically removed soon. There is the potential that my ovary will have to be removed completely. Bobby and I had no plans for children, even in the distant future. Also, I know that ovaries do not make someone a woman... and yet finding out this new information, I wept.
Many women live with one ovary and have no trouble conceiving. Although some women with one ovary ovulate less frequently or have other fertility issues that make it more difficult to become pregnant, most women with only one ovary ovulate normally and have no problems conceiving. Some women with one ovary ovulate less frequently or have other fertility issues that make it more difficult to become pregnant. I recently learned that most women with only one ovary ovulate normally and have no trouble conceiving a child. As previously stated, Bobby and I do not plan on having children. If we were ever to have kids, we have agreed that we would adopt. Yet I cried and cried, feeling as though something had been taken from me.
I don't know if I will need to have my ovary removed but the idea that your womanhood can be taken so easily terrified me. Actually, NO. Scratch that. Fuck that. Being a woman, being a female, being womanly... it's not something that can just be "taken" from you. It's not a purse someone can snatch from your shoulder or a toy taken from a toddler. It's an organ and without it I am still a women, I am still womanly. Woman live every day without ovaries, without breasts, without uteruses, without silky hair or long lashes or whatever society thinks makes us women. We are women and our bodies are amazing! So whether I end up with two ovaries, one ovary or none at all, I'm still me. Being without one ovary does not make me less of a woman. I always knew that but I forgot it in a moment of grief and anxiety.
I'm still nervous but to be frank, my anxiety is much more about getting the procedure scheduled and done. I'm not scared of pain or needles or surgery. I know I will fall asleep and when I wake up, I will have one less cyst in my body. But that Waiting Game makes my teeth grind and my foot tap impatiently. I'll share more updates soon but for now, stay honest and stay you!
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